Robin’s Excellent Plan for Funding All Toronto Transit

Subways, light rail transit, bike lanes – you name it, I’ve got the answer!

Our estimable mayor, Rob Ford, has threatened to publish and distribute the pictures of any councillor who votes to increase taxes, as an election ploy in 2014.

Not to worry Rob, and not to worry councillors, Robin’s plan involves no tolls, no local sales tax, and no parking fee hikes.  Can you believe it?

Believe it!  Here it is.  Everyone who owns a television or a computer with internet access, has had the soul sucking experience of a technical call to either Rogers or Bell.  I myself, after subscribing to Bell’s FibeTV, had my internet go down about once a month for a year and a half, each time necessitating a call to tech support.  Going through the rage-inducing menus, getting someone who can’t seem to be able to pull up the file and see what’s happened in the past, trying unsuccessfully to go up the chain of command to find someone who might – or might not – know what they’re talking about.

Bell is an emotionally abusive bad boyfriend – I endured so many lies, so many broken promises.  I can’t tell you how many times I used the weak and useless threat to switch to Rogers, knowing that I would only be trading in one cheating husband for another.  Sometimes these calls lasted up to an hour.

You all know exactly what I’m talking about, because the only way to assuage the misery is to share it, by telling a friend, often in real time, about the lying incompetent monopolistic phone company.  In exchange for this, I agree to listen to their woeful tales (which is how I know that Rogers is no better than Bell).

So I propose that we tax Bell and Roger one cent a minute, first for every minute we spend on a tech support line, then one cent for every minute we spend telling our friends about the tsuris, and finally, one cent for every minute we have to spend listening to their horror stories.

And we use the millions collected to fund the TTC!  Simple, efficient, and agreeable to both our squabbling councillors and our asshat mayor!  AND his asshattier brother!!